Melbourne 3000
Sarti is a hatted restaurant tucked away in a quiet alley off Little Collins. When I know I'll be dining at a hatted restaurant, my senses will stir in restless anticipation. Right or wrong, I expect to be wowed and in awe of the magic plated before me. The hat represents a promise to exceed expectations. The occasion? A farewell dinner for a colleague. My 'don't whip out the geeky camera at work events' policy was in force, although given my experience tonight it's probably best that there are no photos to serve as a reminder.
I have to be fair, it wasn't all bad. The ambience of the room is romantic, cosy and welcoming. It's not a large space, but tables are well spread out and the dim lighting creates a relaxed mood. With a hint of formalism, it's the perfect setting if you're dating to impress. This is a 'what wine would you like with that?' kind of place. At this stage, Sarti looks and feels like a hatted restaurant.
Then things begin to unravel. The service was efficient and methodical, but lacked the soul that makes you walk away wishing you had tipped that little bit more. We were repeatedly reminded that there were two sittings that night. Dessert menus were accompanied with a 'the second sitting starts at 8:30pm, that means you have 20 minutes for dessert'. Thanks Ms Time Nazi. Slightly insulting as we at no stage of the night demonstrated any intention to park our backsides there for longer than our strictly allocated time.
The entrees consisted of:
Wild duck and 'provolone polpette' pistacchio, aniseed myrtle ($5.00ea)
Calabrian chilli crab, 'n'duja' crumble, 'neo nati fritti' ($18.00)
Shallow fried calamari 'pickled cauliflower giardiniera' tartare foam ($16.00)
Tartare of wagyu beef, porcini, puffed pearl barley, olive oil jam, lemon tomato ($17.00)
Camel 'carpaccio', native pepper soil, toasted macadamia nut, bush tomato ($19.00)
Marsala glazed homemade sausages, whipped white polenta ($17.00)
The soft shell crab was horrendous, with an unwelcome burst of oil exploding in my mouth as I bit into it. It was served with grilled capsicum, which did it no favours. The calamari was good, but nothing you couldn't get from any run of the mill cafe. The wild duck essentially took the form of meatballs coated in pistacchio and aniseed myrtle. This was one of the highlights of the night. The nuttiness of the pistacchio coupled with the flowery myrtle accompanied the duck nicely. The wagyu beef was cut too coarsely and was texturally unpleasant in the mouth. 'How often do you get to eat camel?' was a comment echoed throughout the table. My joy at being in the company of people who weren't afraid to put their taste buds on the line later gave way to the horror of having subjected my own to such a dish. Although thinly sliced to precision, the carpaccio was dry and in desperate need of some oil. The flesh tasted horrendous. Owing to the utter lack of additional flavour, I wasn't allowed to forget that I was eating raw camel. I almost expected it to get up and start grunting at me. The whole dish felt a bit try hard. The sausages were seasoned with a good combination of spices that harmoniously balanced, but were far from mind blowing.
Continuing with the theme of small servings, I was shocked when the mains were delivered. I had the utmost sympathy for my colleagues who had ordered the special of the day (spinach filled gyoza with Moreton Bay bugs) and the ravioli. I don't know about you, but paying $33.00 for 6 pieces of ravioli with ricotta and roast tomato wouldn't sit well with me. When something is described as being served with Moreton Bay bugs (note the plural here), I actually expect to see some fleshy white seafood on the plate. Not that my dish was much better. I ordered the spaghetti with mud crab, prawns and taccole ($34.00). The prawns were fresh and delicious but the crab was no where to be seen. Not even a sliver...heck, not even a bit of shell. The spaghetti was al dente but was obviously not freshly nor hand made. There was a lovely prawn flavour to the sauce, but it was a tad too salty. Overzealousness with the salt shaker was another common theme throughout all the mains.
For dessert, I opted for the pistacchio panna cotta with caramel salted popcorn ($17.00). Yes, I have a penchant for pistacchio. Although the texture of the panna cotta was perfectly silky smooth and lusciously creamy, it came with the most offensively artificial pistacchio flavour my tastebuds have ever had to endure. The popcorn was an awkward accompaniment and added nothing to the dish. To make matters worse, mine was clumped together the size of a tennis ball (at least they weren't stingy with the popcorn), making it ridiculously difficult to eat. The amarena gelato with frozen liquid biscuit was essentially an ice cream sandwich and was the favourite of the night.
Sarti seemed to tick all the boxes for a pleasant dining experience but unfortunately (and surprisingly), the food was not up for the fight. The wild duck meatballs and the wonderful flavour of my spaghetti prove that Sarti is capable of plating up impressive dishes. But trying to do too much with too many flavours that just don't gel, coupled with trying too hard to stand out from the crowd and a frugal approach to portion sizes is fatal. While we were reminded repeatedly that we had to vacate at 8:30pm sharp, the absence of any waiting customers when we left had me scratching my head. Although, the fact that people aren't falling over themselves to eat at Sarti shouldn't really come as a surprise.
Fine Dining
Food - 2.5/5
Ambience - 4/5
Service - 2.5/5
Price - 1.5/5
Total - 10.5/20
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